In my family everyone has their own little roles. My sister is the peace keeper, the one who is always making sure everyone is happy. My mom is the one that is always there for you and makes sure that you have what you need. My dad is the strong one, he makes sure that everyone gets to where they need to be and schedules out everything. My broth and I, well, we are the clowns of the family. More so I am though, he just makes a joke and I run with it, sometimes a little to far. I make jokes to make the family happy, and also to brighten up those serious situations (when necessary). Some times they get really mad because I'm usually never serious at all, its just no fun to, so I don't, life is short, might as well live it happy.
I wouldn't go as far as saying that I play a "role" in the family, because the person I am at the house is the exact same person I am around my friends. It makes me feel good to make other people laugh and be happy, so I try to do it everywhere I go.
Most of my funny energetic characteristics come from my dad. That’s why me and him but heads and argue all the time. We are both the same person but I’m more calm and I get that from my mom. She is the quiet sensitive loving type, she’s the one always to walk in while me and my dad are wrestling, to yell stop it your going to break the furniture, as if she cared more about the furniture then us getting hurt, but we just play it off like she never even said anything and just keep fighting till the other one gets hurt and she just storms out of the room. Both my dad and I really competitive towards each other we are always talking about who is better and what and who can do more of what. We are always playing one on one basketball, and he loves to cheat at that. One time my friends and I were playing so he decides so come out and play with us making it three on three, at the end of the game my friends decide it would be a good idea for my dad and I to play one on one, so we did. This game comes up so often with my friends and I because they actually witnessed how competitive my dad and I truly are. I almost broke my fingers in that game, blocking his shot of course, for an old man my dad can still move quick. My mom is the completely opposite of my dad, like they always say opposites attract. She shows way more affection then my dad does, it must be a girl thing. She gets her loving and caring since of humor from my grandpa.
My grandpa is a very nice person, that is when he wants to be. He is very off and on when it comes to being nice, usually my mom has to make him feel bad about it before he is nice to her. My grandpa plays the role of the big mystery or big myth of the family. If you have ever seen the movie Big Fish then you will know exactly what I am talking about. The stories he tells are something that could be strait out of a movie or book. For instance, he has had five different wife who have all been assassinated, or he worked in the black market. My favorite story that he tells all the time was when he was in college, I forget the college now, but he was a photographer at the time, and he was up in the photographers booth and all of the sudden all of the football players took him down huddled around him, tore off his cloths and put pads and a uniform on him. They put him in the game as a quarterback because the starter got hurt and they saw him throw a football during practice one time. Or during WWII he and another soldier were walking pass a house that was bombed and there was nothing left but a door and a basement. They walk in the door and there sits a mother and a daughter who have been living in this blown up house, so my grandpa reaches in his boot and hands the mother a piece of paper that was worth one million dollars, I can't exactly remember where he got that money from or why he had it, but it was something involving a top secret mission.
Why does my grandpa tell these extravagant stories, maybe because he wants to entertain? It's not so much that these stories are hundred percent made up but they are more or less real events that have happen to him to some extent just blown out of proportion with many added details. I think its mainly because he doesn't want us to view him a boring person who has led a uneventful life. Now don't get me wrong my grandpa has done some amazing things happen in his life time and has visited many extravagant places, but he drowns them out with all the stories he tells. My mom has wondered about these stories for a long time and which ones and how much of them were true. So she finally decided to talk to his sister and ask her all about them and got the facts strait. She found out that most of them are completely false to a certain extent, a part of me still believes them any ways, just because its fun to. Every time we visit him he is usually ready with a new one to tell, he loves to hear himself talk. Every time you start talking about yourself, he somehow turns it about him and has a story about it, once again proving my theory that he wants everyone to know that he too has done awesome things in his life and that we are not the only ones who have done interesting things.
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1)Your family and their roles
ReplyDelete2) You're similar to your dad and your grandpa tells stories
3)The most compelling parts are the stories from your grandfather and the competition between you and your father
4)I don't get too much of a sense of you as a writer, but I get that you're straightforward and not one to add fluff, this is all information and fact. You don't seem to be worried about language as much as the point of the story.
5) Your descriptions seem decently deep, you introduce each person well. I think you should include more scenes, maybe more things can be implied rather than said.
6)You occasionally ponder on some things it seems, but not too much question asking going on. I'm curious. After the first part it seems like you're saying you don't have a role because you're not pretending etc. Are you saying your family seems to be pretending at times? Or just that since you understand yourself better you can't place a role on yourself?
7) I think you do a decent job of explaining and letting us know what's going on, I didn't find myself feeling too confused about where I was or who was being described.
8)There is a ton of commentary, add more scenes.
9)You tell us everything usually, show us. :)
10) I have no idea where I'd take this if it were mine, probably into the balance between parents' roles or anything about the grandfather. But, I'm weird and think old people are interesting. Ha.
You had quite a few typos. I wrote down all the ones I caught as I went along. If you want that piece of paper, it may help you fix those! :)
Todd,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you were worried about filling space here and so tried to include stories about all the important people in your family. Luckily, they seem like interesting people, and you're right to question the ways you're like your father. I think you can do much, much more of that. That commonality seems like the most pressing concern here.
Lindsey's right. You need to ask more questions and show us more in scenes. Who is this man, your father, and how are you going to show us? And who are you in relation to him?
When you're writing scenes, think about this:
What happened, what did you think about it then, and what do you think about it now? If you don't have many thoughts about a particular scene, it's probably not one that we're going to be interested in. The events you include should lead us to a better understanding of your relationships.
Also, could you tell this story to a group of friends? I'd say no. They'd say, "Why are you telling us this stuff that doesn't have much to do with all the other stuff?" Think about narrative. Keep us reading.
For that to happen, you need to make discoveries as you write. This takes revision and deep engagement. It's not enough to describe what happened.
You need to
1) show us your memories
2) give us surprising bits of language
3) most importantly, try to tell us something about you and your father that also suggests something about fathers and sons in general.
Ok. Good start.
1) This is about the roles that people, including yourself, play in your family.
ReplyDelete2) This is really about how you may play a similar role to some others in your family but you stand alone.
3) The part about your grandpa is most compelling. My grandma is the same way. She can be nice when she wants to but very mean sometimes. And I really never quite believe most things that she says. Some people say that it's just because they are old, but I know she has always been that crazy.
3b) There are not too many confusing parts, probably because the story is straight forward. The only part would be that you said that your mom gets her caring side from her father. Then you said that he can be mean. Is your mom the same way? Or is she nice most of the time?
4) This story is pretty cut and dry. However, when you ask yourself questions I get a better sense of you as a writer. I like when you add and answer the questions you have about your life.
5) The story itself is a good one. The way that you parlay you relationship with one family member to another is good too. If you had to add things you could just describe the scenes more. Engage other senses- smell, touch, sights. How do you feel about some of theses events?
6) Yes. I like that you ask questions. When you say, "Why does my grandpa tell these extravagant stories, maybe because he wants to entertain?" This made me wonder why my own grandma did this. Perhaps she wants to entertain as well.
7) There is not too much assumed. You give good background and explain the relationships thoroughly. Maybe you could talk about your mom more.
8) You comment more at the end. I think it was a good way to wrap things up. Maybe add some more in between the stories.
9) You don't show us how you feel too much. Not very much description.
Great story :)
My first impression of this piece is that there is a ton of grammatical errors/ spelling mistakes. I think it is about how you can relate to both your dad and grandpa. Most compelling part is your Grandpa’s stories. I don’t understand your transition from talking about your dad’s competitiveness into your grandpa’s stories.
ReplyDelete(half-post, finish later)