I think that sound plays a bigger role in Bret's life then we actually think it does. "that sound passing through me and swallowing me whole, me that much alone in the world” (Pg22) Bret thinks that he almost has a "special" power and that he can hear things that others can't, and that these sounds bug him some times. He will sometime hum a tune just to know that the outside world sounds are not going away completely. He even wonders at one point if he can hear a dog whistle. I think that the sounds that he thinks he hears symbolize something, what it might be ,I'm not to sure of?
“He stops his bike at a mailbox shrouded with honeysuckle in bloom, pops off a flower, expertly guides the filament from inside the petals, then puts it to his mouth, licks it. “Honeysuckle,” he says to me, and pops off another flower. “People eat it.” (Pg 193) Here Bret is introduced to something new, and he describes it with taste. Even though he didn't describe the exact taste it had it his mouth, taste played a part of why he remembered it. In the same scene there is another sense that helps Bret remember that scene. “There’s all colors in there.” … “There’s pink, and red. Violet. Purple.” He stops, says from behind me, “There’s blue roses in there, too.” (pg 193) The vivid image of all the arrangement of colors of flowers gives Bret a clear picture of that one particular scene.
1. Thesis: Brett likes to mainly use what he hears and the taste of things.--- Try to make it sound more clear. I think it would be easier to identify. Also, you will need the author and title.
ReplyDelete2. You give good support for sound, but I think you need to look more into taste. Also, the quotes need to be supported before and after. You started with a quote in the 3rd paragraph.
3. There is a little bit of summary in here that may not be needed. At the end of your second paragraph you ask if the sound symbolizes anything. Rather then say you are unsure,try to analyze what you get it is from the context of the writing. Try to be more argumentative, stating facts rather then I think.
4. While you look at smell and taste, I think vision is in fact a much greater theme throughout the essays. Look at Wadmalaw, Hugo, and even when he talks about the pops races down the driveway, watching it swirl into a mixture of color. He uses sights, views, colors a lot more throughout the text, and I think you may be able to go more with that. In your last paragraph color comes into play more then taste.
5. "These two sense not only play..." Sense needs an 's'. In your opening you use Brett, but its Bret.
"that sound passing through me and swallowing me whole, me that much alone in the world” That should be capitalized.
6. You say "I think" a lot, but you should try to state fact rather then looking at your opinion.
You have a few good ideas down here, you should just look into setting some of them up better. Rethink what you want to write about and write it out clearly. Good Luck on your 900 word post.
1)When it comes to describing past memories, memories that formed Bret's childhood, in Father, Sons, and Brothers Bret Lott uses many descriptive details that please the senses. Thesis. Makes sense to me.
ReplyDelete1b)Author, yes! Title, yes! Italicize the title though. :)
2)Your quotations are good examples. But, the things you're saying about them are simply not correct. The situation of the honeysuckle played out differently. Bret and Jacob have both had it before, it's not a new experience. And Jacob is the one tasting it here. And the whole special power thing doesn't click with me. I think he's trying to capture the strength of sound and silence. Nothing more. Also, just look over quotation rules and make sure you're quoting properly.
3)I believe you're okay as far as summarizing goes. Just remember to get the story straight.
4)It's a pretty simple topic. I can't think of what a counter argument to it would be like.
5)Typos include: plurals in first paragraph, "these two senses" not "sense" happens a few times. Make sure you're using "than" and not "then." Small typos occur on occasion. Like forgetting and "s" at the end of something. Look over that. Capitalize your quote beginning in the second paragraph. There is one sentence in the first paragraph. "He does a good job at using them effectively to get the right message across that he is trying to." Try something more like, "He does a good job using them effectively to get the right message across." Not good job at, and no reason for the ending. :)
6)Be more confident in your opinion as proof. Don't question yourself or the audience will question you too.
7)You stay on thesis decently well. Stay focused on keeping things clear and it will work well.